from Canto VII

21

I wonder (although Mars no doubt’s a God I
     Praise) if a man’s name in a bulletin
May make up for a bullet in his body?
     I hope this little question is no sin,
Because, though I am but a simple noddy,
    I think one Shakespear puts the same thought in
The mouth of some one in his plays so doating,
Which many people pass for wits by quoting.

22

Then there were Frenchmen, gallant, young and gay:
     But I’m too great a patriot to record
Their Gallic names upon a glorious day;
     I’d rather tell ten lies than say a word
Of truth;—such truths are treason; they betray
     Their country; and as traitors are abhorred
Who name the French in English, save to shew
How Peace should make John Bull the Frenchman’s foe.

23

The Russians, having built two batteries on
     An Isle near Ismail, had two ends in view;
The first was to bombard it, and knock down
     The public buildings, and the private too,
No matter what poor souls might be undone.
     The City’s shape suggested this, ‘tis true;
Formed like an amphitheatre, each dwelling
Presented a fine mark to throw a shell in.

24

The second object was to profit by
     The moment of the general consternation,
To attack the Turk’s flotilla, which lay nigh
     Extremely tranquil, anchored at its station:
But a third motive was as probably
     To frighten them into capitulation;
A phantasy which sometimes seizes warriors,
Unless they are game as Bull-dogs and Fox-terriers.

25

A habit rather blameable, which is
    That of despising those we combat with,
Common in many cases, was in this
    The cause of killing Tchitchitzkoff and Smith;
One of the valourous “Smiths” whom we shall miss
     Out of those nineteen who late rhymed to “pith”;
But ‘tis a name so spread o’er “Sir” and “Madam,”
That one would think the first who bore it “Adam.”

26

The Russian batteries were incomplete,
     Because they were constructed in a hurry;
Thus the same cause which makes a verse want feet,
     And throws a cloud o’er Longman and John Murray,
When the sale of new books is not so fleet
     As they who print them think is necessary,
May likewise put off for a time what story
Sometimes calls “murder,” and at others “glory.”

27

Whether it was their engineer’s stupidity,
     Their haste, or waste, I neither know nor care,
Or some contractor’s personal cupidity,
     Saving his soul by cheating in the ware
Of homicide, but there was no solidity
     In the new batteries erected there;
They either missed, or they were never missed,
And added greatly to the missing list.

28

A sad miscalculation about distance
     Made all their naval matters incorrect;
Three fireships lost their amiable existence
     Before they reached a spot to take effect:
The match was lit too soon, and no assistance
    Could remedy this lubberly defect;
They blew up in the middle of the river,
While, though ‘twas dawn, the Turks slept fast as ever.

29

At seven they rose, however, and surveyed
     The Russ flotilla getting under way;
‘Twas nine, when still advancing undismayed,
     Within a cable’s length their vessels lay
Off Ismail, and commenced a cannonade,
     Which was returned with interest, I may say,
And by a fire of musquetry and grape
And shells and shot of every size and shape.

30

For six hours bore they without intermission
     The Turkish fire, and aided by their own
Land batteries, worked their guns with great precision;
    At length they found mere cannonade alone
By no means would produce the town’s submission,
     And made a signal to retreat at one.
One bark blew up, a second near the works
Running aground, was taken by the Turks.