from Canto X

41

But here is one prescription out of many:
    “Sodae-Sulphat. 3vj. 3ss. Mannae optim.
Aq. fervent. F. 3iss. 3ij. tinct. Sennae
    Haustus.” (And here the surgeon came and cupped him)
“R. Pulv. Com. gr. iij. Ipecacuanhae”
     (With more beside, if Juan had not stopped ‘em).
“Bolus Potassae Sulphuret. sumendus,
Et Haustus ter in die capiendus.”

42

This is the way physicians mend or end us,
    Secundum artem: but although we sneer
In health—when ill, we call them to attend us,
     Without the least propensity to jeer:
While that “hiatus maxime deflendus,”
    To be filled up by spade or mattock, ’s near,
Instead of gliding graciously down Lethe,
We tease mild Baillie, or soft Abernethy.

43

Juan demurred at this first notice to
     Quit; and though Death had threatened an ejection,
His youth and constitution bore him through,
     And sent the doctors in a new direction.
But still his state was delicate: the hue
     Of health but flickered with a faint reflection
Along his wasted cheek, and seemed to gravel
The Faculty—who said that he must travel.

44

The climate was too cold they said for him,
     Meridian-born, to bloom in. This opinion
Made the chaste Catherine look a little grim,
     Who did not like at first to lose her minion:
But when she saw his dazzling eye wax dim,
    And drooping like an eagle’s with clipt pinion,
She then resolved to send him on a mission,
But in a style becoming his condition.

45

There was just then a kind of a discussion,
    A sort of treaty or negociation
Between the British cabinet and Russian,
    Maintained with all the due prevarication
With which great states such things are apt to push on;
     Something about the Baltic’s navigation,
Hides, train-oil, tallow, and the rights of Thetis,
Which Britons deem their “uti possidetis.”

46

So Catherine, who had a handsome way
    Of fitting out her favourites, conferred
This secret charge on Juan, to display
     At once her royal splendour, and reward
His services. He kissed hands the next day,
     Received instructions how to play his card,
Was laden with all kinds of gifts and honours,
Which showed what great discernment was the donor’s.

47

But she was lucky, and luck’s all. Your Queens
     Are generally prosperous in reigning;
Which puzzles us to know what Fortune means.
     But to continue: though her years were waning,
Her climacteric teased her like her teens;
     And though her dignity brooked no complaining,
So much did Juan’s setting off distress her,
She could not find at first a fit successor.

48

But Time the comforter will come at last;
     And four-and-twenty hours, and twice that number
Of candidates requesting to be placed,
     Made Catherine taste next night a quiet slumber:—
Not that she meant to fix again in haste,
     Nor did she find the quantity encumber,
But always choosing with deliberation,
Kept the place open for their emulation.

49

While this high post of honour’s in abeyance,
     For one or two days, reader, we request
You’ll mount with our young hero the conveyance
    Which wafted him from Petersburgh: the best
Barouche, which had the glory to display once
    The fair Czarina’s Autocratic crest,
(When, a new Iphigene, she went to Tauris)
Was given to her favourite, and now bore his.

50

A bull-dog, and a bull-finch, and an ermine,
    All private favourites of Don Juan; for
(Let deeper sages the true cause determine)
     He had a kind of inclination, or
Weakness, for what most people deem mere vermin—
    Live animals: an old maid of threescore
For cats and birds more penchant ne’er displayed,
Although he was not old, nor even a maid;—